Nevada has strange laws, like every other place. One of my favorites that I *think* is still on the books states its illegal to walk a camel next to any public highway or byway. Something to do with the war efforts of more than 150 years ago, when camels were being tested for usage in desert warfare over horses for, well, obvious reasons. What happened is there were rogue populations of “wild” camels around southern Nevada.

I cannot confirm if any of these laws are on or off the books, or even true, but they’re interesting nonetheless. That, and I have no time for anything witty, so stealing comes first.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

- A man is forbidden from buying drinks for more than three people other than himself at any one period during the day.

- Clark County: In ordinance makes bringing a concealable fire arm into the county illegal unless it is registered with the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department. In order to register a handgun, however, it must be brought in to the police station. Furthermore, you may not register a gun on the weekends, but the police may prosecute you at that time.

· Elko: Everyone walking the streets is required to wear a mask.

· In Eureka, Nevada men who have mustaches are forbidden from kissing women.

· In Las Vegas, Nevada: It’s against the law to pawn your dentures.

· In Las Vegas you can bet on any team–except The University of Nevada at Las Vegas.

· In Nevada, sex without a condom is considered illegal.

· In Nevada until the 1960s it was illegal to sell liquor at religious camp meetings, within a half-mile of the state prison, in the State Capital Building or to imbeciles.

· In Reno, Nevada, staging a marathon dance is illegal, although posting a notice on a fire hydrant about illegal dance marathons is not.

· In the old days in Nevada a man caught beating his wife was tied to a stake for eight hours a day with a sign that read, “Wife Beater” fastened to his chest.

· It’s illegal in Nevada to have a “house of ill fame” within 400 yards of a church or school.

· It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.

· It is illegal in Reno, Nevada to conceal a spray-painted shopping cart in your basement.

· It’s still “legal” to hang someone for shooting your dog on your property.

· Saloonkeepers had to post the names of habitual drunkards if so requested by the local sheriff or members of the imbibers’ immediate families.

GR

7 Comments

Occasionally a weird, and wicked beauty pageant will run through Reno, at the former Hilton, aka the Grand Sierra Resort.

I’ve seen them, walking around like strange, creepy dolls, usually pouting and whining, their beehive-hairdoo’ed mothers clambering around them and constantly keeping them pristine. Working in a restaurant was perfect for this occasion there, because none of them would dare be around food or anything “messy.” They fed them Nilla wafers and bottled water, and the mothers FED this stuff to them. They just had to sit there and not move and smile.

Now, granted, none of these “people” were there, or perhaps will be, but we think that Reno could perhaps, in God’s Hate, could help remove any last traces of soul from those glassy eyes. Oh god, the eyes… and yes, they were once real people.

All photos courtesy of: http://www.beckycarter.com

What’s even more disturbing, is the fact that if you stare at them long enough, they start to look “normal.” Suddenly, the shock value of them at first wears off, you begin to adjust. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s a human thing. Maybe it’s all-around disturbing.

- GR

12 Comments

Well, it seems it was just as interesting as it should have been yesterday outside the Reno-Sparks Convention Center.

Okay, okay, so we were *kind of* there. Sort of. Not really. I mean, come on, it’s like a train wreck, it’s terrible, but you have to see. We were kind of in the right place at the wrong time, but hey. You get what you pay for.

I’m sure there’s going to be some hoo-haw about how God smited Reno by making a horrible and unpleasant snowstorm while the Brianna Denison function was underway, but that didn’t seem to stop any of the folks headed there. In fact, it was hard to even find any of the WBC protestors or the event as a whole. It was also being held in conjunction with some kind of outdoorsy Elk foundation exhibit, which just added to the Reno surrealism and oddity of it all…

I kind of feel bad for the cops, because, yeah we pay them to deal with this shit, but it was such a preventable situation. Had there been sane people NOT trying to protest an unpopular standpoint for a popular situation that involved a funeral, those guys would be at home, or simply getting towtrucks to get people out of ditches.

From all that we know, a series of snowballs and eggs were thrown at the WBC gathering, which was quickly whisked away by cop cars as they pretty much got what they asked for. Sadly, we couldn’t find evidence of the snowballs anywhere. I’m confused as to why…

Leave it to Reno to create some textual grandeur…

From what I can gather at the event, it went on with minimal problems. The Patriot Riders did their bit, the cops got to dust off the riot gear for the first time since Hot August Nights, the mood inside the convention center was pretty bright considering the circumstances and the weather, and there wasn’t any lightning bolts striking down homosexuals anywhere to be found. Apparently only pissy, cold and angry, crazy Topeka cultists, with yes, a little egg on their faces.

That’s all you get, Reno.

- GR

11 Comments

There’s really nothing worse than nothing new. We can try to spice it up, add different flavors, fry it, broil it, drop it on the ground, beat it with a tenderizer, anything to make it taste less bland. But for fuck’s sake, let’s be at least somewhat honest.

“Reno the Comedienne,” has nothing to do with Reno, Nevada. At all. In fact, I’m pretty sure she stole the name. Who is she? A self-proclaimed lesbian Latina with a waning crystal meth habit (oh THAT’S where Reno, NV comes in!) who also claims she’s funny. Critics tout her as “edgy,” “quirky,” and “unpredictable.” However, she’s just another unfunny comedy shtick with a typical Made-For-New York political comedy routine. She heckles Bush. Ooooooh. She criticizes the war. Ahhhhhhh. She uses self-deprecation to “keep it real,” which seems to use empathy like mayonnaise on a shit sandwich. In a long line of comedians who use topical current-issue comedy to ride upon, the wave always ends, and our ever-dynamic thirst for “new” is quenched no more than a smell of smack satisfies a heroin addict. It just makes us quit, eventually, or commit suicide. Is that all bad?

I’m not really going to continue on here, because these are just opinions. I’m just pissed because she uses the name “Reno,” in vain. She is nothing like Reno. She’s a puppet. Reno has never been, and never will be a puppet. No one gives a shit about Reno, Nevada, besides people in Reno, Nevada. It just goes to show how inconsiderate people are about Reno, which has it’s upsides.

The more that people look at Reno like some scum-tropolis like Bakersfield or Fresno, the more we get people NOT coming here. Such as snotty Rosevillians (yes, I meant to spell it that way) who ditch their condos for the price of a five-bedroom up here and show these cow-tippers exactly how to live.

“Graham, these people don’t know where NAPA is… I mean we lived an hour and a half from it… Haw, haw haw!” they say with their noses in the air.

Sadly, what trickles in are people that think since we don’t know where Napa is, we also get the meth heads that see Reno as a yokel’s user town. They come here, own the streets for a couple of weeks, and take off. It’s too damn cold here to set up permanently, and usually, it’s a warm-weather event.

Regardless, California is ruining Reno, no matter what comes through Donner Pass. It’s been this way for years, and Reno keeps on going.  Which is why a comedianette named “Reno,” has no gall to lend herself in any fashion to us whatsoever.  What the hell has she done?

Reno is a dynamic life-form, and it always has been. Ever since the days of DYNAMIC 8! KOLO channel 8, it knew from an early start that Reno had something that other towns didn’t. Flexibility.

Amarillo, Texas. Redding, California. Ogden, Utah.

What do all of these places have in common? One, they’re not Reno. Why? No one is really interested in going there for any genuine reason. Sure, public opinion is, Reno sucks, and why the fuck go there, but then you ask yourself, what is WORSE than Reno? The surrounding areas have much more to do than Reno, and there’s at least some genuine dynamics happening in Reno on a development standpoint that won’t happen in any of the other above listed towns. Ever!

I say that because I’ve been through them all a number of times. The only thing they tend to improve is the Wal-Mart nature of the town, and the highways that pass through them. That’s it! It’s a body and a pulse to support the neighboring towns 100 miles around them rather than becoming something else.

Okay, so Reno isn’t perfect, but it’s always been full of potential. Potential! It’s had potential for years and sometimes shows genuine signs of meaning it. People have dreams when they come here. Reno’s a stop for risking it all, just like it has been for centuries. We take risks by betting it’s an okay place to be, now and even more so in the future.

So naturally, when someone with a similar name of our town, Reno, has a pathetic comedy routine that’s been a path well-trampled, we say to her, come join your town’s namesake if you want to plagiarize a town and a joke. New York is a classic example of a place that says it loves you, just as long as you march to it’s beat. Reno, Nevada, is not that place.  There IS no place like Reno, no matter what passers-through say, and that comedian needs a lesson.
Reno the Comedienne, you’re welcome HERE, and you don’t even know it. We’ll MAKE you Reno. Fuck New York.

- Gay Rodeo

4 Comments

You actually think this kind of thing gets out of my view?

I mean, I should just let you all live and suffer with yourselves because of this. You don’t need my help, you do this to yourselves, Reno. I mean, I can forgive the opiate-stricken trannies, the poker tables… but this…

Note the part where he says, “Punish yourself.” Yes.

In fact, I’m going to settle with, my punishment for you is this guy. The long-haired has-been DJ/rocker. Every day. Forever. In every club.

“Smite,” is going to seem like a massage.

- God

2 Comments

It’s true.

There’s been a few outside suggestions towards godhatesreno.com’s involvement with WBC, protests, funerals, etc.

This is our official standpoint.

We, as a whole, are not a WBC opposition group. In fact, they’re so insignificant beyond their own amusing antics, by shouting back at them and getting uppity with them is practically useless. It’s like shouting at a gnashing, violence-crazed pit bull in a small pen. They have one linear objective, and that’s to get notoriety, especially the kind that ensues retaliation, because that simply fulfills their prophecies. They’ve woven a tangled web, baited it and just set up and wait.

“But, GHR.com, YOU guys give them credit!”

Well, that’s true. They’re an inspiration to how ridiculous people are. That HAS to be noted, but from stupidity can be berthed GREAT things. We, sadly, aren’t one of those things, but would you rather be reading their bullshit on this site or ours?

“But GHR.com, WE NEED YOU!”

Nah, you really don’t. Here’s why. By us being almost an omnipotent (why does that always sound like “impotent” to me…), we are the stiff-lipped voice of reason. Yes, us. When everyone has screamed, yelled and freaked out, then goes home to wipe the sweat off their brow, have a drink, smoke a bowl, kick the dog, whatever they’re into, we’re the stable-minded friend they can go to, in which to empathize. No, you can’t kick us instead.

In closing…

If WBC went unchallenged for some reason, meaning they weren’t raising the hackles like the professionals at it that they are, of course we’d be there. We’re a humorous balance to their crazy Biblical-lawspeak. Since we cannot achieve a sensible balance in line with our efforts, we’d get lost, ignored, misconstrued or worst, our staff harmed in some way.

When the smoke clears, THEN we shall speak.

And you can count on us to do so.

Remember, this is God Hates Reno. Not Reno hates WBC, We Hate WBC or Fuck WBC Let’s Crucify Them. That’s your business. Not ours.

Come visit us when the circus is over.

- GHR Staff

5 Comments